like they say. when it rains, it pours. it’s strange because i can distinctly remember a time period every year since 2010 that it has poured. it was always something incredibly tragic mixed with something that made me feel incredibly blessed.
balancing those emotions are difficult. you feel like you should be sad. and be in mourning. i was and i am. but then do you feel happy for the good things that are going on? yes. should you show it? the typical answer would be yes, why not? but the emotional/etiquette side says no.
i don’t think there is a wrong or right answer here. i can only say i have learned a lot these past three years. about people. about life. you take for granted what you have every day by being greedy or selfish or unkind. but there is always a chance to change your future. you’ll make up excuses or give reasons on why you are the way you are. how other people have impacted your life in a way that has soured you to the joys of life. but it isn’t about other people. only you can do that to yourself. and only you are to blame. and only you can push yourself to change.
feeling blessed in this moment. any moment that i can find peace. <3
it’s my dear katherine’s birthday today. i’m not a girl of many words, but katherine is so i feel like she deserves some from me. :]
when my father passed away last month, i had two shining stars that kept me going. one was my amazing boyfriend, garrick. and the other was my amazing best friend, katherine. during times of tragedy, the truth in people will come out and you will learn who your true friends are and how much a family’s love can hold you together.
katherine was there for me every single day. she brought me and my family breakfast, lunch and dinner, even when she was exhausted from work. she stopped at target to buy us towels, toothbrushes, toothpaste, snacks and anything else she thought we might need. she stayed up with me until 2am after a full day. she played card games with me and didn’t even let me win at poker (but i still got a penguin). she apologized profusely when she wasn’t there with me in person when she was celebrating christmas with family (WHAT? exactly, i agree – completely unnecessary but very katherine). she surprised me with cupcakes and fruit. she met with me at plucker’s, at mccormicks, at my house, at the hospital whenever i wanted to let me ramble on about life. she opened up her home to me so i could escape reality. she gave me a big bottle of goose. she waited for me outside the bathroom to make sure i was okay. she took on the extra responsibility with no hesitation and took photos for us at the service. she held me while i wept and she cried with me.
and not only did she do all these things for me, but she did it for my entire family too. and that in itself means the world to me.
katherine – you are more than i could have ever wanted in a best friend. i told you earlier today, but i would not be the same without you. i love you more than words can express, and i’m so blessed to have you in my life. this is already too sappy, so i will end it here and say i can’t wait for lbt3.
one word to describe this week… restless. in my sleep. during the day. mix that with frustration and i’m so ready for the weekend. i just couldn’t sleep well… you know when you have those dreams that just stick with you for awhile? all my dreams had the same theme, so it was almost like a story that spread itself across my week.
i had some good conversation with coworkers.
convo #1: the eeyore
now, i love eeyore’s character… but mostly because i like his deep voice and how he’s so plumpy. but when a person is “an eeyore” it’s just depressing. we were talking about how some people are just perpetual eeyores and to keep your personal sanity… sometimes you just have to “cut” these people out of your life. i know it sounds harsh – but these people can really bring you down. there’s always something good around the corner, but if you’re so focused on the bad, have a need to just complain or just have no desire at all to be happy… then i don’t want you in my life. people in this world suck enough and i don’t need people close to me being that way. enjoy. life.
convo #2: culture
we rush through life. we have “first world” problems. my coworker came by to chat with me about a documentary she watched last night called god grew tired of us that tells the story of three young sudan boys who were given a chance to make a life in the states. the primary point was… we take a lot of things for granted. the simplest thing like turning on a light switch, locking the door, buckling your seat belt are all brand new. they were also astounded at the fact that people here are so unfriendly in a way that… people don’t openly help each other or talk to each other. we walk by each other on the street staring straight ahead. the three young men were confused since back in their home town, they viewed everyone as family. it’s so incredibly unfortunate that terrible people exist that take advantage of the pure hearted people who strive to help each other and be kind.
big jumble of words but… you have the power to change yourself. if you don’t like something – change it. if you have a desire to do something or be someone – do it. i’m starting to detest (and i mean detest) people who hide behind excuses as if those are good enough reasons to be less than who you can be. never settle… you can always be a better version of yourself. things i need to remind myself every single day.
first, i’m happy to be a part of a company that truly cares for their employees. in hard times, they will still find ways to not lay you off. and they find ways to cheer you up and recognize your accomplishments. the big difference between my last job and this one is that i’m in a positive environment where people actually care about you and your development (personal and professional). to think that i allowed my last company to bring me down to where i didn’t think i was good at anything astounds me. honestly, i’m laughing at them now because they’re just a failing company who has to stomp on their “lower end” employees to make themselves feel better. and it’s truly sad that so many people are caught in company cultures like that. so cheers, to all those wonderful companies out there who want to strengthen their people, instead of weakening them.
second, i’m starting to train for the half marathon (2 months late). i ran 2 5ks in the last 2 days… my legs feel heavy.